Addicted to love?

I’M dating a married man and I have tried umpteen times to break it off and of course, I rightfully get no sympathy from friends.

There are a number of reasons why it’s a hopeless situation. Firstly, it’s not very satisfying for me. I'm always second best, waiting around for crumbs. Then there’s all the guilt. I have no illusion the guy will leave his wife as I know he loves her and I'm just his `bit on the side' so I feel I'm wasting my time when I could be meeting someone for myself. For all this, I can’t bring myself to actually make the break. What’s wrong with me?

Answer this week by Dr Charmaine Saunders, a counsellor with 20 years experience in the field of personal development.

You might be what we call a ‘love addict’. This term suggests someone who is addicted to a particular person or to the idea of love itself. We probably all have a bit of this condition within us. It’s all tied up with the idea of co-dependency. What you need to do in order to sever yourself from this man is to take your power back, to be in charge of your own life again.

I wouldn’t dream of telling you what is morally wrong as that is a personal judgement – but the fact you’re unhappy is already speaking volumes. You want and deserve your own life, husband, family, whatever it is you decide you would like to bring into your life. And in a way, this affair is an obstacle to your dreams. I don’t think you’ll be able to break it off without doing some work on this area of your life.

Charmaine is a therapist, columnist, motivational speaker, lecturer, media commentator and author of six self-help books including her latest, `Winning Relationships'. She specialises in the areas of personal development, relationships, wellness, sexuality and positive life and she writes Q&A advice columns, blogs, books and feature articles that deal with the above topics. Charmaine also regularly appears on TV and radio. Find out more at www.charmainesaunders.com.