In-law issues
Thursday 29 December, 2011 | Ask the Expert: Charmaine Saunders
WE'RE newlyweds though are of a mature age. My husband’s mother is very dominating and he’s always been under her thumb.This is not a typical mother-in-law matter as I like her well enough as a person but I'm feeling a bit caught in the middle.
He complains to me all the time that she wants him to do things for her. I tell him he should be more honest and assertive but he says it’s very hard after a lifetime’s pattern of just giving in. When he does stand his ground, I'm sure she thinks I'm responsible for his new attitude.
Maybe marriage has just given him the courage to stand up more for himself but I feel that he and I are just starting our lives and don’t want this cloud over our heads. What can I do, if anything?
Answer this week by Dr Charmaine Saunders, a counsellor with 20 years experience in the field of personal development.
Your letter indicates a very sensible and balanced person. I don’t think this problem is yours at all but you’re caught up in it.
What you have advised your husband to do is absolutely correct but you can’t make him do it if he’s not yet ready. He will stand up to his mother when the time is right and in the meantime, you can only stay out of it as much as possible.
Don’t let any of this sour your relationship with her as those sorts of tensions are very undesirable in families. Continue to encourage him to be honest without actually taking sides. You are a new factor in this long-standing problem and it is easy to get the blame if plans backfire. Just concentrate on your new marriage, which is a challenging time for anyone, and leave the two of them to work through their own interactions.
This article was provided by Charmaine Saunders. Find out more about dating and other emotional well-being topics at www.charmainesaunders.com.
