Hot wheels

ROB Easdown has a look at some of the great high-performance vehicles coming to Australian roads. And it’s all looking ff-fantastic.

Touring grandly

Despite its decidedly odd looks, Porsche’s Panamera was the “it” of grand tourers right up until Ferrari blew it out of the water with the FF: four seats, four-wheel-drive, stonking great 6.3-litre V12 up front, looks to die for and all behind the world’s most famous prancing horse.

Here is the tip – don’t go near one unless you’re prepared to give it your complete and undivided attention. Ferraris are totally involving, a true extension of the driver, but let your attention wander and they bite you in the bum. So keep the old FJ40 for the day-to-day stuff and wheel this one out only when it’s time to be inspired. Arriving next year, think $700k.

Going hard

Okay, it gets to 100 km/h in 3.3 seconds and tops out on the unequivocal side of 300 km/h. That’s not the best bit. The best thing about Porsche’s 911 Turbo S (pictured left) is that, once you’ve got yourself comfortable, you feel completely and utterly at home, as though you’ve owned it all your life. It’s as comfortable as old socks.

The 911 used to be a pig of a thing – all that power and all that weight at the back; so easy to lose the damn thing. But these days a super-fast stability control forgives you your trespasses and 911s are a joy, pure and simple. What’s more they’re reliable, beautifully made and return great resale. Who can ask for more? $450k.

Saving the planet joyfully

Why is it that Mini drivers are always smiling? I mean, the torque steer is monumental, the back seat is nothing more than an upholstered parcel shelf and that giant speedometer at centre dash is pretty much useless. There’s no sense here at all. And yet, and yet ... God, they’re fun.

This is skateboard motoring – fast, direct, instantly responsive. See a hole in the traffic and you leap into it as fast as thinking. Get the JCW ($50k). Or should you wish to save the planet go for the diesel ($35k) for its remarkable economy. It’s still fun, too.

Ultimate roof down

Getting into a Ferrari for less than half a million is pretty hard these days, but with the California (pictured right) you can have one with a retractable hard top and still get enough change for a slab or two. And it’s a nice thing. The V8 sounds simply wonderful and goes like a cat in a dog pound.

The electronic manual tranny is a joy and the way it drives is simply splendid, turning each and every kay into a celebration and making you feel like Felipe Massa. Two seats and room for just a soft bag or two in the boot when the roof’s down. Really, is that a problem?

Bargain roof down

There are heaps of interesting convertibles around right now, some with retractable hard tops and others with soft tops that give you your boot back. Mazda’s MX5 is hardly powerful and certainly far from new but it still gets my vote for the best deal on the convertible market.

Several reasons. One is that it’s brilliant value and another is that the manual soft top can be raised and lowered in two seconds flat, but mostly it’s because it’s just plain wonderful to drive. It may not go fast but it goes joyfully and precisely, and so efficiently you get a big, goofy grin on your face that lasts till bedtime. $47k.

Tough love

Question: What do you call four tyres lying on a driveway? Answer: An Alfa Romeo with the rust cut out.

Okay, the rust problem is gone now but I love that joke. Rust was way back when Alfas didn’t offer any form of automatic transmission and figured owners didn’t need radios and could get by on a six-month warranty.

Thank God those days are gone, but thank God too that the folk at Alfa remain the types who prefer discussing valve timing to iPod docking. You’ll forgive the Giulietta 1750’s little vicissitudes every time you take it out of town and give it its head. A splendidly responsive motor, fast, direct gears and handling that begs for more. This is the rapture, and it sounds good too. $45k. Here’s another sports car joke: How do you know the English didn’t invent computers? Because computers don’t leak oil.

SUV or not SUV?

I am on the Snowy Mountains Highway, one of Australia’s great roads. It is just after dark and there isn’t another headlight anywhere. Having just wound through the Talbingo switchbacks I am going, um, fast.

I kick it into a long sweeper and feel the rear hunkering down like a cat gathering to pounce. Then the corner starts to tighten up. Severely. Nothing to do but hang on and follow it, tickling the gas, heart in mouth, knuckles all white. Porsche’s Cayenne Turbo slingshots out of the corner like a video game. Yes, it’s a SUV, all two tonnes of it and high off the ground to boot, but it thinks it’s a Porsche. $270k.

Performance with humanity

Not all performance cars have to be so wretchedly severe. No one works the ride/handling compromise quite as well as Mercedes-Benz.

Take the C63AMG (pictured left). Staggeringly powerful 6.2-litre V8, pin-sharp reactions, lightning agility. I once drove one around the Mount Panorama circuit at Bathurst and scared myself silly (240 down Conrod is the reward for sawing through the climbs and dips hoping not to screw it up). Yet on the open road it’s comfortable enough to keep your mum thinking you’ve turned out quite nicely. $170k.

Hot hatch

Peugeot was first to get the hot hatch right with the wonderful 205 GTi – good collectors car that one – but these days Volkswagen owns the category with the GTi. It’s solid as a rock, beautifully built and goes like a neutrino in a collider. And the diesel-powered GTD is a surprisingly good proposition too.

But here’s the thing: BMW is about to launch a hot 1-series, which has the unique (in this class) attraction of rear-wheel drive. And it will be right in the GTi’s sub $50k territory. Worth waiting to have a look at.

Meanwhile the very best value-for-money performance car right now is VW’s Polo GTi. It’s not as fast as its big brother but you tend to forget that because it feels quick and it’s delightful to drive. And who can argue with $30k?

This article originally appeared in Australia’s Mining Monthly.