Flying solo on Valentine’s Day

PLEASE don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against people in love. Even the ones who go all out with public displays of affection to show the world exactly how in love they are.

But when it comes to Valentine’s Day, the entire world seems to turn a particularly offensive shade of pink, with oversized stuffed animals, overpriced chocolate and restaurants raising their prices for the benefit of couples indulging in public foreplay.

And then there are the waves of condescension that come from some of the aforementioned “smug marrieds” to borrow the Bridget Jones term. Forgive me, it seemed appropriate.

There is no escaping this particular holiday, particularly as hundreds of millions of cards are sent each year, so having a single’s survival guide can be pretty handy. Just don’t get me started on the plastic roses and the small man with the bow and arrow.

I’m aware I may sound a trifle bitter but really my tone is one of defensiveness. I feel like I’m suddenly expected to defend my single status ¬on Valentine’s Day – as if being happily single is something to be pitied, even from people who are less than joyful themselves in a relationship. And yes, rolling my eyes at romance seems like a perfectly acceptable way of making it through the day.

According to one legend, the man we have to thank for this holiday was a priest named Valentine, who married lovers in secret after Emperor Claudius II decided single men made better soldiers and outlawed marriage for young men.

In another, he was a priest who was jailed by the emperor after he tried to help Christians escape torture in Roman prisons and he fell in love with his jailer’s daughter. It is said he wrote her a letter signed “from your Valentine”.

Inextricably linked with both Christian and Roman traditions, Saint Valentine was a sympathetic, heroic and romantic figure in every legend. Another theory is the introduction of the Valentine’s feast as an attempt to Christianise the Pagan festival of Lupercalia, which celebrated fertility and health.

And during the Middle Ages in the northern hemisphere it was commonly believed February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea of Valentine's Day as a day for romance.

It seems almost inevitable given the historical context that February would be a month for romance but if you are single, or simply not in the mood for the saccharine-coated sweetness oozing from simply everywhere, then please consider these suggestions (or coping mechanisms) for the romantic season.

Hide

Surely this is why doonas were invented, well in Australia at least. And it is only one day. So plan in advance and have the food, films and beverage of choice ready as you hunker down and wait until it’s over.

Be brave

Go out, brave the infatuation, love and touchy-feeliness and deal with it. Or get over it – your choice. This is the option for people who are determined to live life as normal.

Be hopeful

It could be you next year with the loved one on your arm and the valentine’s card proudly on display. Of course it could.

Be mean

Quote statistics – and there are plenty of them. How many marriages end in divorce these days? Oh, and if they’re in a relationship where the only displays of love and affection occur on February 14, then frankly they are with the wrong person and would be better off with someone else. Or, indeed, happily single.

If you can’t beat them

Speed dating, online dating, dating agencies, you name it, it’s available. If you’re fed up of being single then perhaps it is time to do something about it. Even joining a new club, starting a new hobby or varying your routine can add to the chances of meeting someone new and the possibility of a relationship.

Tackle the loneliness

On a more serious note, if you are feeling lonely, then this is as good a time of year as any to acknowledge your feelings. Whether you have lost someone, have recently split up from a partner, have a broken heart or simply have never met the elusive “one”, then Valentine’s Day could be a tough time, especially when faced with everyone else’s happiness.

Consider whether it is time to let the past go (even if it is easier said than done) and move on. Supportive counselling can help with grief, anxiety and depression and also tackle accompanying behaviour such as overeating and binge drinking. If you are battling depression then perhaps it is time to visit your doctor, who will be able to advise you on courses of treatment and support groups in your area.

Spending time with family and supportive friends could be a good idea and getting involved in some of your favourite activities could boost your self-esteem and open you up to the possibilities of meeting new people.

Top singles quotes:

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." – Sex and the City

"I don't need a man to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves." – Shirley MacLaine

“He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened." – Lao Tzu

“When we are unable to find tranquillity within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere." – Francois de la Rochefoucauld

“I never loved another person the way I loved myself.”– Mae West