Lost love

My girlfriend has moved out after 18 months of living together. We have had a very difficult time I must admit, mainly because of our separate family situations. We both had children from previous marriages.

However, I was willing to keep trying to make things work. Why did she have to leave and break my heart? I feel I can’t go on alone as I’m nearly 40 and felt this would be my last relationship. Please advise me.

Answer this week by Dr Charmaine Saunders, a counsellor with 20 years experience in the field of personal development.

I’m very sorry for your sadness. No matter what I say to try and cheer you up, you need to go through this pain and the grieving process in order to heal for the future. So let me instead shed some light on the situation for you.

Firstly, everyone is different and while you were prepared to battle on with the relationship, your girlfriend obviously wasn’t. Perhaps she felt she’d tried long enough. You’ve probably both been under tremendous strain.

Step-parenting is one of the most challenging family situations and requires huge commitments of time, energy, patience etc. Try not to judge your girlfriend if it just got too hard for her. Did she give you any warning she was leaving?

Maybe there’s still a chance for the future but I suggest you seek advice as a couple before you live together again. There are organisations that run specifically for step-parenting skills, for example.

In the meantime, do some work on yourself - join a group, read personal growth books, nurture yourself and don’t count on anything or anyone else to make you better. It’s an old adage but it’s still true that time does heal if you let it do its work. Concentrate on the positive and stay friends with your ex-partner if you can, as that will work in your favour no matter what you end up doing.

Good luck.

Charmaine is a therapist, columnist, motivational speaker, lecturer, media commentator and author of six self-help books including her latest, `Winning Relationships'. She specialises in the areas of personal development, relationships, wellness, sexuality and positive life and she writes Q&A advice columns, blogs, books and feature articles that deal with the above topics. Charmaine also regularly appears on TV and radio. Find out more at www.charmainesaunders.com.