Ages and stages – mastering the art of contentment in retirement

THE first few weeks of your retirement can feel like a second honeymoon – no stress, free time and the opportunity to catch up with family, friends and hobbies. But while retirement can often feel like a holiday, there can be new mental and emotional issues which come with the change in lifestyle.

And when it comes to partners and relationships it’s important to be aware that differing expectations or plans can cause conflict, especially when one partner is retired and the other is still working.

For some people it can be isolating to come home to an empty house while your spouse is off learning a foreign language, planning a holiday (without you), taking up a new cooking class or dabbling in that new hobby you meant to take up together 20 years ago. And the partner revelling in newly discovered freedom may feel restricted by the ties and demands of a spouse who is continuing to adhere to a more traditional working week.

On the other hand many people could envy their partner having the purpose, routine and the prestige that comes from working hard and enjoying a job. Many people find their self-esteem is intrinsically connected to their workplace and the friendships formed there.

And of course there is also the knowledge and benefit of having a steady income while continuing to add to your superannuation. Advice from the professionals is to strike a balance between enjoying the new freedom and seizing the chance to renew your relationship, but prioritising communication to talk about your expectations and how much time you want to spend together.

Daily routine, exercise and volunteer work can all help ease into your new life as a retiree, but make sure you discuss each other’s feelings, expectations and needs. Good physical, emotional and mental health, a well-developed purpose for living and good relationships with a partner, family and friends are among the most important psychological aspects of ageing.

Colette, 64, a semi-retired allied health professional from Perth, has struck the balance between spending time with her husband of 37 years and finding fulfilment in autonomy, friendships and travel. A highly experienced and respected professional, Colette retired in February 2010, before resuming work on a casual basis with her former employer in September that year.

“I’m enjoying it because I’m still using my skills professionally and I’m supported by my employer on a casual basis. There are a lot of opportunities because of my life experience and my professional experience. I can pick and choose when I work depending on the rest of my life,” she said. “I’m essentially working to pay for my overseas holidays. It keeps my skills up, it keeps my brain going and provides structure to my life,” she said.

With her husband still working full-time, Colette said her casual working hours give her the opportunity to accompany him on business trips, enabling them to travel and spend time together.
“We’ve always had our own work commitments and we’ve always respected that. I’m accompanying my husband on more of his work activities. He enjoys having me along. We’ll plan a long weekend and enjoy exploring the places he goes to.”

The pair supported each other through a healthy eating plan and even turned their daughter’s old bedroom into a home gym. “It’s about being an individual but in a committed relationship. We enjoy spending time together and making time for each other. It doesn’t have to be an expensive holiday – we make time for coffee and go for walks.

“We still establish goals and support each other to achieve them. We’ve planned for our retirement so that helps. Our preparation has enabled us to enjoy the reallocation of funds for travel purposes. There are so many more opportunities for people at our age and stage. Retirement isn’t just stopping, turning off the lights and heading out the door. We’ve been very fortunate in that we’ve both worked very hard. I work now because I love my work. That’s a real sense of joy in itself.”

As far as avoiding the pitfalls of retirement, Colette said retaining some financial autonomy and planning ahead help to keep the balance, along with staying mentally and physically fit. While she enjoys taking tapestry and cooking courses, and spending time with friends and colleagues, Colette spends a lot of time with her family.

And Colette said her sense of wanderlust for international travel had been reignited. “The 60s and 70s, this is our time to do this, to go on trips, because then we’ll go to another stage where you’re not really wanting to go gallivanting around so much. Life is a series of stages, and retirement is a time to stay active and re-prioritise.”